In conjunction to the post about change, I recently experienced dramatic changes. A few life hiccups turned into a huge bubble burst. Talking to close friends and family about it is one thing, but I have learned that talking about it helps with coping and coming to terms with what happened. A bit of a quarter life crisis (again), but I have to admit, it will lead to good things.
James and I ended our 5+ year relationship last week (we had a small separation in April, but got back together in May). It was one of those things that would eventually happen and given the signs, I should have seen it coming. It ended amicably in a way and I have no bitter feelings towards him and why he did it. It just hurts when you have invested more than five mental, emotional and physical years with someone only to become strangers to one another. By no means it is a comparison to spending 10, 20, etc. years with someone, marrying them and then divorce, but when you’re at my age, any relationship at this “stereotypical” life stage are the ones that matter the most, the ones you want to foster and hope that it will lead to the next “stereotypical” life stage.
For us, we both knew that we were not ready to get married, there were things that we still wanted to do and accomplished. But despite some of the reasons for our end, which I will not divulge, one of the reason was that we had different goals where his were more set, while I’m still figuring them out.
I am not angry or terribly sad about what happened. It is going to take some time to get used to not hearing from him and coming to terms that he is now in my past, but I do not regret him coming into my life and being a part of it. I have such an amazing group of supportive friends, family and colleagues that will bring me back to reality and remind me that there are better things out there, which leads me to the work situation and honestly, without this happening, I don’t think I could have done what I did.
I was getting too comfortable with being comfortable because changes and risks scares me. I don’t think I’ve mentioned very much about my work (probably because I turned it to food-related blog haha, but if you’re stuck in a rut or in some sort of life crisis, I hope that this will help you somehow). I have not been happy about where I work for a very long time, it is something that I know will not lead to a career. Regardless, I still put 100% in my work (or at least try to, because admittedly, there are some “what the heck am I doing here? I should walk out” moments). My boss knew at some point that I was going to leave, but she does remind me every now and then that if I wanted to stay for life, I can.
For about a year and a half, I’ve been dilly-dallying about leaving. In fact, when our former Marketing Director left about a year ago (on a really sour note by the way, he hated my boss to a degree that he would have taken her to court on some sort of labour issue), that was my main catalyst to leave because he was my closest colleague in the office at the time and one of the reason why I still went to work. Of course leaving did not happen, because again, I was comfortable and did not have a back up plan.
Eventually, I warmed up to my other colleagues in the office and they became the reason why I still went to work (dogs in the office too!). But it didn’t change the fact that there’s still stress, negativity, and office politics around, so much so that it began to affect my physical health and my ability to get better quicker.
So on Monday on my way to work, I thought about telling my boss that this will be my last year in the office. I have always been advised to NOT do this by my colleagues; don’t mention it and don’t even hint about it. But I figured I have nothing to lose and hey, there are favouritism in the office (kind of used this to my advantage), so the moment I got in the office, I impulsively went straight to her office and told her we needed to talk. She immediately knew why. I told her what happened on the weekend and that it’s time for a change and to figure out what I want to do. She took it really well. I promised to give her as much notice as I can when my last day will be.
The moment we talked, it was a huge weight off my shoulders and while I am not sure when exactly the last day will be (I’m thinking August as that was the month I started three years ago and that way I don’t start a new round of vacation days), but by informing her that this year will be my last, it is a FIRM decision, something I will HAVE to follow through. No more indecisiveness, because it’s time! Time to focus on me and my happiness.
Sometimes, difficult times and experiences make us realize how unhappy we are with ourselves or something in our life. But those times and experiences are also the perfect time to do personal change and growth, whatever they may be. I don’t want to live a life of regret and eventually look back and think of things I should have done. I don’t want anyone to look back at their past and regret. It’s not going to be easy, but eventually, everyone will discover their happiness.
TL;DR: Girl breaks up with boyfriend of 5+ years. Girl tells boss she’s quitting her job. Girl will figure out life problems. #firstworldproblems, yo.
Anyways, we will be back to our food posts soon. I have backlogs lol.